An Election Speech I'd Love to Hear

Ladies and Gentlemen of these United States of America, I am running for the office of President of these United States, and I ask for your vote this election year.
As your President, I will place a stronger emphasis on our Constitution, as our founders so well had in mind. Many Presidents in the past have sworn on the very Word of God to uphold our Constitution, and many of them then forgot about our Constitution. I will hold a strict view in interpreting this document, limiting my power to what it says.
As your President, I will reduce the size of the Central Government. I will not raise taxes on you. As your President, I will abolish the Federal minimum wage. The minimum wage helps some people, but hurts far more than it helps. Besides just this, the Central Government has no Constitutional authority to issue a minimum wage. I will put no price caps on our goods, but rather allow the free market to flourish in this great nation. In all ways, I will support capitalism over communism for this nation.
Education. Education is a great part of our nation, and the future of our nation depends on the education of our children. However in the past we have seen more and more Federal money budgeted towards our public schools, and our schools have not improved much at all. I believe in making education more local, rather than central. I do not believe our founders had in mind to have a nation-wide school program for everyone. For these reasons and for the sake of our children, I will take away the role of the U.S. Central Government in education, leaving states to decide for themselves whether they want a school system similar to the way it is now, a school voucher program, or the privatization of education altogether.
Abortion. Abortion, I believe, is the killing of an unborn baby. As a Christian, I believe that an unborn baby is a life and that that life is sacred. For this, I will support the outlawing of abortion in this nation, and at the least support allowing our states the rights on the matter itself. Currently, we keep the states from passing laws against abortion. I would love nothing better, than whether through Federal Law, or the law of all fifty states, the nationwide outlawing of this horrible act of murder, abortion.
Homosexual marriage. As a Christian, I believe that marriage is between one man and one woman. I believe that marriage is sacred, and even religious in its very nature. For these reasons, I am opposed to homosexual marriage, or to polygamous marriages. However for the sake of upholding the Constitution, I will not favor a Constitutional law against this act. Rather, I will leave it up to the states, giving more power to the states, as our founders so clearly and so rightfully had in mind. I would hope that these states, even to the final fiftieth of them, would make laws against this false version of marriage. However as your Commander in Chief, I do not believe I have the authority to make that decision for them myself.
This war. We are currently in the middle of a long, ongoing war. I am depressed seeing my nation in this war. What I am more depressed about, though, is that both Democrats and Republicans are making this a political issue, even at the expense of innocent American lives. I wish every person in this nation would remember how it felt on September 11, 2001. If we remember how most of us felt that day, we would remember that there was an enemy. We wanted to secure ourselves at home, and go on the offense against our enemy. This enemy is still out there. For this reason, I am not against this war in and of itself. However we first went to war to win; we are now in the war for political purposes. I am for the destruction of our enemies, while saving as many American lives as possible. As your President, I would make this war a war against them- the terrorists, our enemies. Our founders were very skeptical, and rightfully so, of us getting involved in foreign affairs. I will try to make this war as short as possible, but as helpful as possible. I will not go into remote areas in the world simply out of curiosity. I will go only where I need to go in order to make us safer at home.
Foreign aid. Today, we see many third-world countries suffering from poor economies, poverty, and crime. I believe that as a nation we should help other nations. This belief is Biblical, and even Constitutional. However, we should be very careful in getting into foreign affairs. Many of these third-world countries are in this poverty because of their own mistakes, involving a government damaging their economy with many government regulations. As a result many brilliant people from third-world countries come to better places such as America. Therefore, we should be very careful in helping these nations. Often, we give money to greedy politicians who squander the money to their own personal benefit.
Immigration. As your President, I desire to be tougher on immigration. I do not want one person in this nation here illegally. Those who desire to come here and take advantage of us, or those who desire to come here as terrorists, should not be here, and I desire the prosecuting of such individuals. Whether it be our Northern border, or our Southern border, I, as your Commander in Chief, desire to protect these borders from illegal aliens. As a nation, we will be open to immigration, but only those who come here legally, wanting to partake in the American dream.
As your President, I will fight for you, in all these ways. I will limit the Central Government to its Constitutional authorities: to protect your rights, and protect our land. I will not take away the guns of law-abiding citizens, nor raise taxes on these citizens; I plan to give you more choice on your education, and give states more choices on their laws. I will protect our borders, and fight against terrorism overseas, but not for any purposes that are merely political. As your President I will fight for you. I believe that my administration can be remembered by what I don’t do, rather than what I actually do. My administration will be one that brings peace and freedom to the land of the free, and the home of the brave.
Ladies and Gentlemen of these United States of America, I ask for your vote this election year!