God's Grace and the World's Curse of Marriage

Men, Women, and Relationships

Not too long ago, our Pastor, Reverend Rich Lusk, did a sermon series on the Christian family, largely centered on the husband and wife. The history of this series goes back a while. At the season of lent (just before Easter), he was doing a series on the seven deadly sins- doing one each week. But he went out of town one of those weeks, and left out the last of the seven deadly sins- lust. After he preached on six of the seven deadly sins, he began preaching in accordance to the church calendar, particularly the Easter story. Finally he was able to preach on lust. His sermon on lust led into the beginnings of his series on the family. After preaching on how not to look at and judge the opposite sex, he began to preach on how to look at the opposite sex, especially in the relationships of husband and wife. Essentially, he preached on looking at marriages through the lens of Jesus Christ, not through the lens of worldly desires. Keep this point in mind as reading below.

He brought up some good points, but perhaps what he stressed most was the marriage between Jesus Christ, and His bride, the church. Our earthly marriages should resemble this, and the world should see Christ in the marriages. He preached a while on the similarities and differences between men and women. He preached on the Trinity, and how our relationships, whether as family, husband and wife, or any relationships with people in general, should resemble the Trinity. There should be two people or two groups of people, connected by the love that they share, hence making a Triune relationship. God the Father and God the Son are joined by the Love of God the Holy Spirit. God the Father and God the Holy Spirit are joined by the Love of God the Son. God the Holy Spirit and God the Son are joined by the Love of God the Father. God is a Trinity. God is love.

All of these are great points that he brought out, but this blog is more than just a mere retelling of what the Reverend Lusk said. I believe that if we put these points to the test, and put the Bible to the test, in reference to the world, these points and the Bible pass the test. To do this, let us look at the world today, both from the Christian worldview and from the world’s worldview, seeing if the Christian worldview holds up. We shall begin with some basic points, and then proceed into looking at the dangers of the relationships of men and women, as shown through the world’s worldview.

Men and women are different. The differences are not just skin deep. The very essence of who men and women are, are different. Modern science tells us that. Common sense tells us that. Women act differently, look at things differently, interpret things differently, and reason things differently than men do. This, however, does not mean that the way women see and perceive things is below or superior to the way men do. It just provides a different approach to things. Often times, men see things rationally while women see things emotionally. Both rationality and emotions are important, and neither one should be taken out of its context- whether taken away or given too much of.

For this reason, in one very real sense, men and women complete each other. The woman is supposed to submit to the man. The man is supposed to be the ruler over the household, while the woman may be the ruler within the household. This is why men go to work outside the house for the family more than women, but women may work more within the house more than men. The man is judged by how the family is corporately, while the woman may be judged by the way the house looks inside. Men do not necessarily always mind going to work for the family, but they like coming home to a clean house and a warm plate of supper! This does not mean that men can not work inside the house, or that women can not work outside the house, but men take pride in their work and women take pride in their relationship. Men take pride in being a leader and protector. Women take pride in being protected and worthy of being protected. It all sounds great doesn’t it? Each person does their part to make a happy family.

But we don’t live in this utopian society. We live in a fallen world with fallen people. Men take pride in their work, which is good. Women take pride in their relationships, which is good. But what do we see come from that in a fallen world? Women emotionally give into many relationships that they should not be in. Men find it okay to get involved in casual and meaningless relationships for the means of casual sex. Men become jealous because they want to be the protectors. Women get jealous because they want to be protected. Men, being rationally minded, believe in searching for the right person, while women, being emotionally minded, long for that "perfect someone" to come like prince charming, so that they don’t have to search. But even beyond all of this, we see pride. Men and women both look too lightly on their jobs. They seem to talk about one small mistake their spouse makes, while forgetting about their own responsibilities (Matthew 7:3). As Reverend Lusk said, "Sometimes the best attitude to have is to shut up and serve."

But with a fallen world, humans begin acting like the other animals. Men look for choices and opportunities. This is what leads them to casual sex, casual and meaningless relationships, and "using" girls for their own personal benefits. They want to appear attractive because of the people they are around, both in number and in their appearance. Women on the other hand, look for one relationship. This is good until they fall too easily. You know the classic saying that parents tell their little kids who think that they have found love: "You don’t know what love is." In reality, not many people do- but they think they do. Women fall so fast, only to be used by another guy. Women justify casual sex by claiming it is not casual, when in reality it is. When men cheat, it is because they go and "scout out" other women, trying to be dominant and prove what they see as man-hood. They may be carrying on more than one relationship at a time. Women fall more emotionally. After they have been with one guy a while, and another one comes along and seems more "exiting" they are easily swept in. Men may end up with many girlfriends or sex partners at a time believing it makes them dominant. Women may say they only have one, but they bounce around so much it doesn’t seem to matter anyway. The end results are essentially the same, but men and women reach them differently. Men seek to be dominant. Women fall too easily. As Reverend Lusk said in his sermon on lust, "Men lust, and women want to be lusted."

Ouch! I have heavily criticized both men and women! Was I too mean? I write all of this from the standpoint of fallen man. This is how things work between men and women in a sinful world- at least from the world’s point of view. But what about things from God’s point of view?

The way men and women are, in many respects, is how God created it to be. Adam was to be a ruler and a leader. The Bible told him to guard and subdue the garden and the land of Eden (Genesis 1:28). He was to cherish Eve and protect her. Eve was to assist Adam in his important task. Mankind in general was head of the animal kingdom (Genesis 1:26). Ultimately, though, they were both to submit to God, and protect the house as if it was God’s house- because it was. Adam and Eve were joined by the love that they shared- love which would resemble God’s love. They were to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). They were created in God’s very image [Genesis 1:26 (also note the usage of the terms us and our to describe the one God)]. It is evident from Scripture that creating both male and female is an essential aspect of how man is created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). God had dominion over man, but He entrusted man to have dominion over all other animals. There was almost like a system of hierarchy going on. The animals were similar to man, and man was similar to God. But the animals were not man, and man was not God. Nor were the animals really comparable to God Himself.

Chronologically, Adam was given his duties even before God formed Eve. In Genesis 2:16-17, God tells Adam to eat from every tree of the garden except for the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Interestingly enough, it is in that very next verse, verse 18, that God "realizes" that it is not good for man to be alone. After searching every beast, bird, and all other creatures, God realizes that there is no one comparable to Adam to be his helper. In verse 21, God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep taking out one of his bones in order to make woman. Verse 25 tells us that they were both naked and unashamed. There was nothing they were hiding. They were both one before each other and before God Almighty.

So Eve was made for Adam. Adam was first given work, but Eve was made to assist in the work and to complete Adam. Eve is also very dependant on the relationship with Adam. Adam may seem to have a natural tendency to want to be alone, being the head, and the one who has been given the chief responsibility of subduing the garden and the land and the world. But even yet, when Adam was faithful and wise, he realized not only his dependence to God directly, but also indirectly by what God had given him, especially in Eve. Adam realized that Eve was Adam. Adam even said, "This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (Genesis 2:23). Unfortunately, however, Adam failed in his task by not guarding and protecting the garden. He allowed the evil serpent to come into the garden and tempt Eve. Even after this, he fell even more by eating of the fruit.

But these are all very similar to the general way we perceive things today. Man is the leader and protector. Man has a higher calling on his job, while woman has a higher calling to the relationship. The two are joined together to be made one, but very much as a Trinity- the two people united by the love that they share. Genesis 2:24 tells us that "Man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." This is the same commandment that Jesus gives in Matthew 19:5. We saw in Genesis that woman was made for man. That is exactly what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:9, which reads, "Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." Paul makes clear in Ephesians chapter five what was showed in Genesis. Ephesians 5:22-25 reads, "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it."

We have concluded here that what was intended in Genesis is still intended today, even after the fall. We are not perfect, but that does not really mean we have a different calling (in some areas we do because we are to preach to the lost, whereas before the fall there was no lost- but the obligations of men and women’s relationship is the same). Now let us compare these things to what the world offers. Above I said that essentially we see the same basic obligations, so why would God command something that obviously has bad results as shown above? The world would agree that a man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife, and they shall, by some standard, become one. The world would agree that women think more emotionally, and that women seek relationships more, while men seek work more and are more rationally minded. In the world, women want men both strong physically and internally to be a good protector. This also seems Biblical. A lot of what the world wants is exactly what is offered in the Bible by God.
But even yet, relationships that are founded completely on Christian principles seem better, purer, and happier. What is the difference, or is there one?

There is a difference- not in the general principles, but in the lens that people see them through. Do people look to the marriage of Christ and the church as the ultimate standard of marriage? Or is it found in money, sex, and appearance?

There is plenty of Biblical reason to see things this way. Ultimately, anything we do should be done for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Psalm 127:1a reads, "Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it." Psalm 128:1 says, "Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways." Proverbs 1:7 tells us that "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of all wisdom." Perhaps most relevant of all though, is what Joshua says in Joshua 24:15- "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Ultimately, a Christian marriage is about placing God first. Joshua, as the leader of the house, takes the responsibility of speaking in behalf of his family by saying that they will serve the Lord.

I believe that this blog can show us a few things. For one, our marriages should be centered on the marriage of Jesus Christ and the church in light of the Gospel. This great comparison is shown clearly in Ephesians 5:22-25 as quoted above. Unless our presupposition to our marriages are found in the hope of eternal life through Jesus Christ, our marriages will suffer. I believe it can also show us that the Bible is accurate, and that God’s way is best. The world even mimics God’s way of marriage. It does not work because the world does not place their hope through Jesus Christ. As Reverend Lusk pointed out (paraphrased), "It looks so great and so beautiful when marriages are lived out in light of the Gospel." The world can only try, but unless they put their hope in Jesus, they will always fail. Finally, we can better understand the seriousness of the fall of man. Even when man does things according the basic patterns of God’s will, it does not work as sufficiently under the fall, and it does not work at all when our hope is not found in Jesus Christ.

Our marriages are a strong representation to the Christian faith, and the Christian faith should be the representative in our marriages.

You may hear some of Reverend Lusk’s sermon audio at http://trinity-pres.net/audio/sermonindex.php

What do you think?

God Bless America

Pray for our Troops

September 28, 2007

Ryan Hampton